Somehow, I kept plodding along. There were days when I wrote; there were days when I edited. The editing phase, ironically enough, is the phase where one is most likely to walk away from the project. This is because the writer is faced with the stark reality of his talent, skill and ability. In other words, the writer/ editor has to read his own work, critique it, and if possible, remedy any of its shortcomings.
When I edited, the negative self-talk (actually, I believe that this "self-talk" often originates from a much darker place) would typically go something like: "Who do you think you are? What makes you think that anyone would want to read what you've written?" On some days, my self-response might go something like this: "You know, you have a point." I know this seems like a weird exchange, but suspect that many of you have had similar experiences.
In any event, on other days, my self-response was different. Simply, I believed I had a job to do and a Boss to do it for. Something deep within me said that I needed to finish the project. And every now and again, something would happen, something would resonate for me, that would subtly signal me that I was on the right track. It might be a snippent of scripture that a preacher used in a sermon, that happened to be the same scripture I had wrestled with the day before, while writing. Or, it might be something less metaphysical- an issue at work or at home, that illustrated perfectly a point I had dissected in the book.
So, my fingers kept moving on the keyboard, slowly plodding toward the finish line.
Now that the book is finished, I have an even broader perspective on the project. I read a couple of chapters in it this morning and was absolutely struck by something. The truth is, I didn't write this book. Sure, my fingers did the typing. My brain processed the inputs. But the net result suggests an Author with skills well beyond anything this author brings to the table.
To be clear, I'm not saying that God wrote the book. I did. But throughout the process of writing it, I did my humanly best to hear Him and apply it to the keyboard. It is likely that in some cases, I didn't really hear what He had to say. Or, perhaps I misinterpreted Him. That's the human condition. I want to do what I want. And much of the time I do it. Occasionally, I allow Him to get through. I do what He wants, not what I want. But often, I do what I want.
So, if you find something good in the book, it's probably because I happened to be listening closely to Him that day. If you find something bad in the book, then it is likely that I was doing more talking than listening.
We've all got bosses- work bosses, kid bosses, spouse bosses, and all of the rest of it. The real question is who is going to be your boss this day, at this moment. Are you going to serve Him? Or are you going to serve you?